Donotknow

Once upon a time, on the far shore of the ocean, on the island of Buyán, there stood a roasted ox, and behind it pounded garlic: on one side you could cut your meat, on the other dip deep and eat.

In that land there lived a merchant who had a son. When the son grew up, he worked in the merchant's shop. The merchant's first wife died, and he remarried.

After some months, the merchant prepared to sail to foreign lands. He loaded his ship with goods and told his son to look after the house well and tend to business properly.

The merchant's son asked, "Father, when you go, fetch me my luck!"

"My dear son," the old man replied, "where shall I find it?"

"It is not far to seek, my luck. When you wake tomorrow morning, stand at the gates and buy the first thing that comes your way, and give it to me."

"Very well, my son."

So the next day the father rose early, stood outside the gates, and the first thing he saw was a peasant selling a sorry, mangy foal—mere dog's meat. The merchant bargained and got it for a silver rouble, took it into the courtyard, and put it in the stable.

Then the merchant's son asked, "Well, Father, what did you find as my luck?"

"I went out to find it, and it turned out to be something very poor."

"So it must be: whatever luck the Lord gives us, we must use."

Then the father sailed away with his goods to foreign lands, and the son sat behind the counter and traded. He fell into the habit, whether going to the shop or returning home, of always stopping to visit his foal.

Now, his stepmother did not love her stepson. She sought out fortune-tellers to learn how to get rid of him. At last she found an old wise woman who gave her poison and told her to put it under the threshold when her stepson was coming in. As he came back from the shop, the merchant's son went into the stable. He saw his foal standing there in tears, so he stroked him and asked, "Why, my good horse, do you weep? Why do you hide your counsel?"

The foal answered, "Oh, Ivan the merchant's son, my beloved master, why should I not weep? Your stepmother is trying to destroy you. When you go home, let the dog go in before you, and you'll see what happens."

So the merchant's son listened. As soon as the dog crossed the threshold, it was torn to pieces.

Ivan did not let his stepmother see that he knew her malice. The next day he set out for the shop, and his stepmother went to the soothsayer. The old woman gave her a second poison, telling her to pour it into the water trough. In the evening, on his way home, the merchant's son went to the stable. Once more the foal stood on tiptoe, weeping. Ivan struck him on the haunches and said, "Why, my good horse, do you weep? Why do you hide your counsel?"

The foal replied, "Why should I not weep, my master? I hear of a great misfortune—your stepmother wishes to ruin you. When you go into the house and sit at the table, your mother will offer you a drink in a glass. Do not drink it; pour it out the window, and you'll see what happens."

Ivan did as he was told. As soon as he poured the drink out, the ground split and trembled. Again he said nothing to his stepmother, so she still thought he was in the dark.

On the third day he went to the shop, and the stepmother again visited the soothsayer. The old woman gave her a bewitched shirt. That evening, as he came out of the shop, the merchant's son went to the foal and saw it standing on tiptoe, in tears. He took hold of its bridle and said, "Why do you weep, my good horse? Why do you hide your counsel?"

The foal answered, "Why should I not weep? Do I not know your stepmother wants to destroy you? Listen to me. When you go home, she'll send you to the bath, and she'll send the boy in with a shirt. Do not put it on yourself. Put it on the boy, and you'll see what happens."

So the merchant's son went up to his attic, and his stepmother came and said, "Would you like to have a steam bath? The bath is ready."

"Very well," said Ivan, and he went into the bath. Soon the boy brought him a shirt. As soon as Ivan put it on the boy, the boy closed his eyes and fell to the floor as if dead. Ivan quickly took the shirt off and threw it into the stove. The boy revived, but the stove split into little pieces.

The stepmother saw she was getting nowhere, so she returned to the old soothsayer and begged for advice. The old woman said, "As long as the horse lives, you can do nothing. But you must pretend to be ill. When your husband returns, tell him, 'I saw in my dream that the foal's throat must be cut, and its liver removed, and I must be rubbed with that liver, then my sickness will pass.'"

Some time later the merchant came home, and his son went out to meet him.

"Hail, my son!" said the father. "Is all well at home?"

"All is well, except Mother is ill," he answered.

So the merchant unloaded his wares, went inside, and found his wife lying under the covers, groaning. She said, "I can only recover if you do what I dreamed."

The merchant agreed at once. He summoned his son and said, "Now, my son, I must cut the throat of your horse. Your mother is ill, and I must cure her."

Ivan wept bitterly and said, "Oh, Father, you want to take away my last luck!" Then he went to the stable.

The foal saw him and said, "My beloved master, I have saved you from three deaths—now save me from one. Ask your father that I may take you one last time into the open fields with your friends."

So the son asked his father for permission to ride the horse one last time in the open fields, and the father agreed. Ivan mounted his horse, galloped out into the field, and enjoyed himself with his friends. Then he sent a letter to his father: "Cure my stepmother with a twelve-thonged whip. That is the best remedy for her illness." He sent the letter with one of his friends and then rode away to foreign lands.

The merchant read the letter and began to cure his wife with the twelve-thonged whip, and she soon recovered.

The merchant's son rode out into the open field, over the wide plains, and he saw horned cattle grazing before him.

Then the good horse said, "Ivan the merchant's son, let me go free. Pull three hairs from my tail. Whenever you need me, burn one of those hairs, and I shall appear before you at once, like a leaf before grass. But you, good youth, go to the herd, buy a bull, cut its throat, and dress yourself in its hide. Put a bladder on your head, and wherever you go, whatever they ask you, answer only with one word: 'I don't know.'"

Ivan did as the horse said. He let the horse free, dressed in the bull's hide, put the bladder on his head, and went beyond the seas. On the blue sea a ship was sailing. The crew saw this marvel—a thing that was not an animal, not a man, with a bladder on its head and fur all around. So they rowed to shore in a small boat and began to question him. Ivan only answered, "I don't know."

"If that is so, your name must be Donotknow." Then the sailors took him aboard, and they sailed to their King.

After a long while, they reached a capital city and went to the King with gifts, telling him of Donotknow. The King ordered the creature to be brought before him. So they led Donotknow into the palace, and crowds gathered from all around to stare at him.

The King began to ask him, "What sort of man are you?"

"I don't know."

"From what lands do you come?"

"I don't know."

"What race and what place?"

"I don't know."

Then the King placed Donotknow in the garden as a scarecrow to frighten birds from the apple trees, and he ordered that he be fed from the royal kitchen.

This king had three daughters. The two elder were beautiful, but the youngest was fairer still. Soon the son of the King of the Arabs began seeking the hand of the youngest daughter. He wrote to the King with threats, "If you do not give her to me willingly, I will take her by force."

This did not suit the King, so he answered the Arab prince, "Begin the war, and let it go as God wills."

So the prince assembled a countless host and laid siege.

Donotknow shook off his oxhide, took off his bladder, went into the open field, burned one of the hairs, and cried out with a grim voice and a knightly whistle. Out of nowhere a wondrous horse appeared before him, and the steed galloped up, making the earth tremble. "Hail, doughty youth! Why do you call me so urgently?"

"Get ready for war!"

Donotknow mounted his good horse, and the horse asked, "Where shall I carry you—above the trees, under the trees, or over the standing woods?"

"Carry me over the standing woods."

So the horse rose from the earth and flew over the enemy host. Then Donotknow swooped down, seized a sword from one soldier and a golden helmet from another, put them on himself, covered his face with the visor, and began to strike down the Arab host. Wherever he turned, heads flew; it was like mowing hay. The King and his daughters watched from the city wall, amazed. "What mighty hero is this? Where has he come from? Is it Egori the Brave come to help us?"

But they never imagined it was Donotknow, whom the King had set in the garden as a scarecrow. Donotknow slew many of that host, and his horse trampled even more, and he left only the Arab prince alive, with ten men to escort him home. After the great battle, he rode back to the city wall and called, "Your Kingly Majesty, has my service pleased you?" The King thanked him and asked him in as a guest, but Donotknow refused. He rode into the open field, dismissed his horse, returned home, put on the bladder and bull's hide, and walked about the garden again, just like a scarecrow.

Some time passed, not too much and not too little, and the Arab prince again wrote to the King, "If you do not give me your youngest daughter's hand, I will burn your whole kingdom and take her prisoner."

This also displeased the King, and he answered that he would await him with his host. Once more the Arab prince gathered a countless host, larger than before, and besieged the city from all sides, with three mighty knights at the front.

Donotknow learned of this, shook off the bull's hide, took off the bladder, summoned his good horse, and rode to the field. One knight came to meet him. They greeted each other, then charged with lances. The knight struck Donotknow so hard that he nearly fell, holding on by one stirrup. Then Donotknow recovered, flew like a youth, struck off the knight's head, seized it, and threw it aside, saying, "Thus shall all your heads fly." Then the second knight came, and the same happened. The third knight came, and Donotknow fought him for a whole hour. The knight cut his hand and drew blood, but Donotknow cut off his head and threw it with the rest. Then the entire Arab host trembled and turned back. Just then the King and the Princesses were watching from the wall. The youngest princess saw blood flowing from the hero's hand, took the kerchief from her neck, and bound the wound herself.

The King invited him in as a guest, but Donotknow said, "I will come one day, but not this time." He rode into the open field, dismissed his horse, dressed in his oxhide, put on the bladder, and walked up and down the garden like a scarecrow.

Some time passed, not much, not little, and the King gave his two elder daughters in marriage to famous princes. He prepared a great celebration, and the guests came to walk in the garden. They saw Donotknow and asked, "What sort of monster is this?"

The King said, "This is Donotknow. I keep him as a scarecrow to guard the apple trees."

But the youngest daughter looked at Donotknow's hand and saw her kerchief there. She blushed and said nothing. From that time she began to visit the garden often, gazing at Donotknow, and she became thoughtful, paying no attention to the festivals.

"Where do you keep going, my daughter?" asked her father.

"Oh, Father, I have lived with you for so many years, and I have walked in this garden many times, but I have never seen such a lovely bird as I saw just now."

Then she begged her father to bless her and give her in marriage to Donotknow. No matter how hard her father tried to dissuade her, she insisted, "If you do not give me to him, I will remain unmarried all my life and will seek no other man." So the father agreed and betrothed them.

Soon the Arab prince wrote for the third time, demanding the youngest daughter. "If you do not consent, I will burn your entire kingdom and take her by force."

The King answered, "My daughter is already promised. If you wish, come and see for yourself." So the prince came, and when he saw what a monster was betrothed to the fair princess, he resolved to slay Donotknow and challenged him to mortal combat.

Donotknow shook off his oxhide, took the bladder from his head, summoned his good horse, and rode out—so handsome a youth that no tale can tell it, no pen can write it.

They met in the open field, on the wide plains, and the duel lasted long. At last Ivan the merchant's son slew the Arab prince. Then the King recognized that Donotknow was no monster but a splendid and valiant knight, and he made him his heir. Ivan the merchant's son lived on in that kingdom, in happiness, and brought his own father to live with him, but he did not forget his stepmother's wickedness and made her pay for her deeds.